We are all born with certain temperaments. Children can have different temperaments, so if yours is stubborn, know that you're not the only parent with a stubborn kid. It's OK when the kids are too young when parents have obstinate kids. However, how you approach your obstinate child will have a huge impact on the kind of adult they become. The phases of toddlerhood and adolescence are regarded as the most challenging to manage.
Characteristics of Stubborn Kids
Just because your child is particular about exercising their will does not make them stubborn. There is a fine line between being determined and being stubborn. Here are some stubborn behaviour characteristics to look out for:
- Stubborn kids tend to question everything which can be mistaken for rebellion
- They want to be heard and expect to be acknowledged which makes them want your attention frequently
- They tend to be independent and fussy
- It can be difficult to get them into a routine as they are free-willed
- They may have frequent temper tantrums
- They display leadership traits and can even appear bossy
- They tend to do everything at their own pace
Psychology of Stubborn Children
Understanding why your child is acting this way and what causes them to behave this way will help you deal with them in the best way possible. Your child can be determined without being obstinate, but they are two different things. Being obstinate is defined as "the reluctance to modify thought, behaviour, or action under any external pressure," whereas determination is defined as "firmness of purpose." Stubbornness is a trait that can be inherited as well as taught through social observation. However, this behaviour can be managed to make your youngster more well-rounded and prove productive.
How to Handle Stubborn Kids
Stubbornness can appear in children, adolescents, or even infants and can last far into adulthood. It's crucial that you as a parent figure out how to deal with your child's resistance so that you can control their behaviour without becoming frustrated yourself. Here are some methods for dealing with a recalcitrant child:
• Don’t Argue
Never make your youngster do something they don't want to. They will become even more rebellious as a result, and they will be determined to do anything against the rules. Therefore, try watching television with your child for a time if you want them to stop watching television and instead do their schoolwork. This will foster a sense of community, and after a short period, you may ask your child if they'd like to complete their schoolwork while you read your book or work nearby.
• Offer Some Choices
Telling a stubborn child what to do is a sure-fire way of igniting their rebellious streak. Instead, offer them options to choose from as this makes them feel as if they have control over their lives and can independently decide what they would like to do. Keep the choices limited to avoid confusing your child and offer only two or three options. For instance, if they is to clean up their room, ask them if they would like to start with the bed or the closet first instead of saying, “where do you want to start?”
• Step Into Your Child’s Shoes
Look at the issue at hand from your child’s point of view and try to understand why they are behaving in this manner. If you promised to take them to the park but have refused as the weather has turned bad, then you will need to explain to them why it is not possible to keep your promise. Your child will only see it as a broken promise, but by outlining why you cannot go out and by setting a later date for the outing, you can salvage the situation.
•Maintain Peace At Home
Make sure that your home is a place where your child feels happy, comfortable, and secure at all times. Be polite to everyone at home, especially your spouse, as children learn from observation. They are likely to imitate what they see, so it is essential that you keep the peace and avoid arguments as well as trading insults in front of the child.
•Brush Up On Your Negotiating Skills
Stubborn children find it difficult to absorb an outright refusal when they ask for something. So, instead, try to negotiate with them instead of laying down the law. For instance, if your child insists on listening to two bedtime stories, talk them out of it by reaching an agreement where they can pick a story for tonight and another one for tomorrow.
• Encourage Positive Behaviour
Lead by example and present a positive attitude at all times. If you use the words ‘no’, ‘cannot’, or ‘will not’ a lot, then your child is also likely to do the same. Look at your child’s stubbornness with a positive outlook rather than being negative about it. Try to make a game out of it by asking your child questions that elicit a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response. Frame your questions such that the answer is ‘yes’ most of the time. This sends the message that your child is being heard and appreciated.
• Develop Routines
Sticking to daily routines as well as weekly ones can help improve your child’s behaviour as well as performance in school. Bedtime needs to be defined and should be such that it provides for plenty of rest for your child. Lack of sleep and being tired can lead to behavioural problems in children between the ages of three and twelve.
Problems With a Stubborn Child
Being a parent to a rebellious child is not simple. If you do not quickly come up with a solution, every little thing could become a challenge every day. Even though you may have found a tonne of material on how to manage obstinate child behaviour, every day presents a fresh obstacle. Finding a workaround for a difficult child may be more beneficial than punishing them in some situations
• Fussy Eaters
Most children can be fussy when it comes to food and meals and more so if the child has a stubborn streak. Being sneaky can be helpful here and try serving small portions of different food to your child and let them choose what they want to eat more of. You can also try to make food interesting by coming up with creative recipes with healthy ingredients. Also, try to involve your kid in mealtime chores such as setting the table. Rewarding them such as a favourite dessert for finishing their meals can also smooth things faster.
• Homework Blues
See if your child has difficulty completing the assigned homework or is overwhelmed by the amount to be written or learned. If that seems to be the case, you could break it down into shorter pieces to be completed in phases. Taking short breaks in between might get it done quicker than in one sitting. Another option is to combine it with another activity. For instance, learning spellings can be done while you are watering the garden with your child helping you out.
• Wardrobe Battles
Every time your youngster wants to wear something that is inappropriate for the situation or the weather outside, arguments often arise. Sorting out your child's clothes and switching them out every few weeks is one approach to reduce conflict. Additionally, store the out-of-season attire to eliminate another potential point of contention. Lay out two or three different clothing and let your child chose from them whenever you want them to change. They will be pleased with their choice and you won't be tearing out your hair in the process.
• Bedtime Struggles
As bedtime approaches, your child starts running around and attempts to pump up the adrenaline, so they don’t fall asleep easily. So, around 30 minutes before it is lights out turn on some soothing music and dim the lights. Switch off the television and get your child to change into their pyjamas. Avoid a fight here by giving your child the option of choosing the nightdress and wearing it or taking your help. Just before setting them towards the bedroom, take a few minutes to connect with your child by asking them if they had anything to share about their day or just a simple question of whether it was a good day or a bad one.
It's okay to have a stubborn child. In fact, it has been observed that kids with these traits frequently succeed in both their academic and professional lives. They are less likely to succumb to peer pressure, which helps them avoid engaging in harmful activities that their friends may be involved. Making an effort to understand your child and using appropriate disciplining techniques can go a long way in assisting them in developing into strong-willed but responsible people.
